I was talking with a friend in church today and he asked me, "Have you not been feeling well?". I didn't know how to respond for I know he could sense something was bothering me. I just went on to say that I had a lot on my mind. There was truth in that response but don't we all have a lot on our mind? I didn't feel that I needed to explain anymore than that, but also noted he was being genuine in his asking since my behavior spoke a more than my words.
Sometimes I wish that people could not tell when I was struggling with something. Sometimes I wish I could keep things all to myself...sometimes I wish I could be that person that was difficult to read. Later that day I was talking with my brother and he was mentioning his frustrations with weeping in church, during worship, etc, and how he wish he would not have those tears as he did not want people to think he was crying out of reasons of shame, etc. Most cries were of joy. And when I mention cries, I am also referring to simple welling of tears, not full blown, need-a-box-of-Kleenex-now-tears:). He said this was something that his pastor was struggling with as well and he had asked God to just please dry up those tears. The pastor just wished that he would not well-up with emotion so often. In praying, God told the pastor, (something along these lines as my short-term memory fails me the exact words), "If I dry your tears then your heart would be hardedned".
"If I dry your tears then your heart would be hardened."
I believe there is much truth in that statement. Unfortunately I am a teary-eyed girl! I am often frustrated with the tears that constantly flow when I am in worship, listening to a sermon, watching a movie, at a wedding. I am referencing to tears of joy. I have no idea why I can cry so easily, when I am excited, joyed! But after hearing how God spoke to the pastor about his tears, I would rather cling to my Kleenex than have a hardened heart. God created me with an emotional response to the joys of my heart. And this may be the reason why my heart is worn on my sleeve-literally:) This is why I cannot wear a disguise in life, He uncovers my heart to others. He wants me to be transparent and for that I am grateful.
As I was at service this evening we sang this song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmx9p6vAL1g and as you would assume, a few tears started to stream. The song sings out, "everlasting, never failing, my Redeemer, My God". No matter what kind of temporal joy this world steals from us, God has overcome this world, He is everlasting and the sustainer of our perfect joy.
May your joy be complete in Him alone.
Would love to hear you thoughts!! :)
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Hey Susan!
ReplyDeleteI found this through Marcus's facebook. Good to find another blogger out there. I'll be back often.
-Adrienne
My thoughts are....I also frequently tear or cry when the context isn't sad or may not call for tears. These tears at times are difficult to explain, though when the ducts do open....most of the time the tears are coupled with joy! I'm often overwhelmed with emotions by God, what He has done for the world and me personally. My tears remind me of my sin against our God and just how ridiculously awesome it is that He has forgiven me! I tear when I think about grace.
ReplyDeleteLike your brother, I think about what people at church sitting near me might be wondering of my tears? Other times I just simply wonder how they are not also overwhelmed with tears of joy by what God's love! Thank you for sharing Susan.