A friend encouraged me last night after the sharing of my testimony, that there is power when His words are shared and that my testimony becomes more powerful when shared more often. She also shared there is a verse in Revelation that speaks of this...I have only come across Revelation 1:1-3, "The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, 2who testifies to everything he saw—that is, the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ. 3Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near."
Well, I was definitely blessed in the afterword of sharing my testimony as I do feel others were also blessed in the expression of their gratitude and encouragement toward what was shared. God is good. It was a freeing moment and I went on to describe that feeling, like a beauty that was all of a sudden revealed, a purity that came over my skin and a cleansing over my feet. Up til that point of sharing, I knew that I was going to feel attacked as the weeks previous I had a nightmare of sharing my testimony. In that nightmare I was tormented for my past and ridiculed of the ways in which I erred. So I prayed for my "self" to be removed from my story...and it was. Afterward i did not feel claim to the "self" for which I was claimed for so many years. Even though I have felt His forgiveness and grace in my life, I still struggled with certain components of my self, and not liking those components. This is not to say I will be stretched in the future, this is to say that I felt washed last night, washed as white as snow. I had the beauty of God washed over my skin and for once I truly felt a glow with His love. It was an experience, an experience I would have never been able to feel if it weren't for the steadfast and fervent prayer from the leadership team and friends alike.
In my many years of feeling unpretty in this world, God made me feel beautiful last night. He allowed me to see the beauty within my heart-all of which He has cultivated over the years. Oh my heart is far from that of Christ's but I want to claim that beauty and learn how to be more and more like Him.
"He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end," Ecclesiastes 3:11
-S
February 07, 2010
February 04, 2010
I'm Back!
I'm back!! So it's been a year and I find myself so intrigued with reading others' blogs that I wondered why I was wasting mine and wasting the degree to which could label me as a writer:) Yes, I am an English major and all that I learned in my studies was how to pull out a last minute paper without reading the text-yikes. But that's not what I want to pride myself in because that was actually a loss for myself. Oh to be young and wise and do it right the first time!
So now I'm old and wise:) And I want to escape here to talk about, not my life, but the workings of a mighty creator in my life and if you don't know to whom I'm referring, keep reading. And if you do know to whom I'm referring, keep reading. Simple intruction from a simple mind with a complex heart.
So now I'm old and wise:) And I want to escape here to talk about, not my life, but the workings of a mighty creator in my life and if you don't know to whom I'm referring, keep reading. And if you do know to whom I'm referring, keep reading. Simple intruction from a simple mind with a complex heart.
February 22, 2009
Psalm 62
I was talking with a friend in church today and he asked me, "Have you not been feeling well?". I didn't know how to respond for I know he could sense something was bothering me. I just went on to say that I had a lot on my mind. There was truth in that response but don't we all have a lot on our mind? I didn't feel that I needed to explain anymore than that, but also noted he was being genuine in his asking since my behavior spoke a more than my words.
Sometimes I wish that people could not tell when I was struggling with something. Sometimes I wish I could keep things all to myself...sometimes I wish I could be that person that was difficult to read. Later that day I was talking with my brother and he was mentioning his frustrations with weeping in church, during worship, etc, and how he wish he would not have those tears as he did not want people to think he was crying out of reasons of shame, etc. Most cries were of joy. And when I mention cries, I am also referring to simple welling of tears, not full blown, need-a-box-of-Kleenex-now-tears:). He said this was something that his pastor was struggling with as well and he had asked God to just please dry up those tears. The pastor just wished that he would not well-up with emotion so often. In praying, God told the pastor, (something along these lines as my short-term memory fails me the exact words), "If I dry your tears then your heart would be hardedned".
"If I dry your tears then your heart would be hardened."
I believe there is much truth in that statement. Unfortunately I am a teary-eyed girl! I am often frustrated with the tears that constantly flow when I am in worship, listening to a sermon, watching a movie, at a wedding. I am referencing to tears of joy. I have no idea why I can cry so easily, when I am excited, joyed! But after hearing how God spoke to the pastor about his tears, I would rather cling to my Kleenex than have a hardened heart. God created me with an emotional response to the joys of my heart. And this may be the reason why my heart is worn on my sleeve-literally:) This is why I cannot wear a disguise in life, He uncovers my heart to others. He wants me to be transparent and for that I am grateful.
As I was at service this evening we sang this song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmx9p6vAL1g and as you would assume, a few tears started to stream. The song sings out, "everlasting, never failing, my Redeemer, My God". No matter what kind of temporal joy this world steals from us, God has overcome this world, He is everlasting and the sustainer of our perfect joy.
May your joy be complete in Him alone.
Would love to hear you thoughts!! :)
Sometimes I wish that people could not tell when I was struggling with something. Sometimes I wish I could keep things all to myself...sometimes I wish I could be that person that was difficult to read. Later that day I was talking with my brother and he was mentioning his frustrations with weeping in church, during worship, etc, and how he wish he would not have those tears as he did not want people to think he was crying out of reasons of shame, etc. Most cries were of joy. And when I mention cries, I am also referring to simple welling of tears, not full blown, need-a-box-of-Kleenex-now-tears:). He said this was something that his pastor was struggling with as well and he had asked God to just please dry up those tears. The pastor just wished that he would not well-up with emotion so often. In praying, God told the pastor, (something along these lines as my short-term memory fails me the exact words), "If I dry your tears then your heart would be hardedned".
"If I dry your tears then your heart would be hardened."
I believe there is much truth in that statement. Unfortunately I am a teary-eyed girl! I am often frustrated with the tears that constantly flow when I am in worship, listening to a sermon, watching a movie, at a wedding. I am referencing to tears of joy. I have no idea why I can cry so easily, when I am excited, joyed! But after hearing how God spoke to the pastor about his tears, I would rather cling to my Kleenex than have a hardened heart. God created me with an emotional response to the joys of my heart. And this may be the reason why my heart is worn on my sleeve-literally:) This is why I cannot wear a disguise in life, He uncovers my heart to others. He wants me to be transparent and for that I am grateful.
As I was at service this evening we sang this song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmx9p6vAL1g and as you would assume, a few tears started to stream. The song sings out, "everlasting, never failing, my Redeemer, My God". No matter what kind of temporal joy this world steals from us, God has overcome this world, He is everlasting and the sustainer of our perfect joy.
May your joy be complete in Him alone.
Would love to hear you thoughts!! :)
February 04, 2009
"I have ruled you out of mine (heart)"
This morning I received an email from a friend. As I was reading the email I came across the line; "But if God hasn't ruled me out of your heart, I have ruled you out of mine." Ouch. Those words stung. I read it twice and then went back and re-read it not to make it sting twice or three times but to feel the impact of what was being revealed. Being disowned from the heart of someone. To rule, to have authority and to declare. It has been declared that I have no authentic purpose or place in the decisions of your heart. I am no longer scrolled into your heart and I am no longer the offspring of your hope.
I am sure we have all been there before, we have written or recieved these letters..it seems we are never on the same path as the other. But you know what this letter really revealed? Am I on the same path as Christ? Is my heart aligned with Christs'? What if in the day of coming I am face-to-face with God and He says to me, "I have ruled you out of my heart". Just as in the book of Matthew, Christ mentions twice to His disciples when referring to the day of judgment ("in that day"), "I never knew you, depart from me you evil doers" (Matthew 7:23), "I tell you the truth, I don't know you", (Matthew 25:12). Here God, an omniscient God, declares He never knew them. He ruled them out of His kingdom. He is stating this because it is not just about living a life of good works! Good works alone will not get you into relationship with God and not being in relationship with God will keep you from knowing His heart..being ruled out of His heart and His kingdom. Ouch.
"I have ruled you out of mine". I can accept the rejections of this world. What I cannot accept is the thought to be rejected from God, to be ruled out of His heart. To not know Christ is to not know love. Love of an authentic, agape form. Love that covers all blemishes and heals all wounds. Love that is not based on emotions or feelings. He longs to know us.
In my challenging times of being "ruled out" of one's heart, I am more challenged of the thought that so many are "ruled out" from not knowing the heart of Christ. Don't wait til the coming of the Lord when you will profess, "Lord, Lord!" and He will declare, "I never knew you, depart from me..." He is the only person that will never rule you out of His heart, as long as you seek to know it.
Thoughts? Comments?
I am sure we have all been there before, we have written or recieved these letters..it seems we are never on the same path as the other. But you know what this letter really revealed? Am I on the same path as Christ? Is my heart aligned with Christs'? What if in the day of coming I am face-to-face with God and He says to me, "I have ruled you out of my heart". Just as in the book of Matthew, Christ mentions twice to His disciples when referring to the day of judgment ("in that day"), "I never knew you, depart from me you evil doers" (Matthew 7:23), "I tell you the truth, I don't know you", (Matthew 25:12). Here God, an omniscient God, declares He never knew them. He ruled them out of His kingdom. He is stating this because it is not just about living a life of good works! Good works alone will not get you into relationship with God and not being in relationship with God will keep you from knowing His heart..being ruled out of His heart and His kingdom. Ouch.
"I have ruled you out of mine". I can accept the rejections of this world. What I cannot accept is the thought to be rejected from God, to be ruled out of His heart. To not know Christ is to not know love. Love of an authentic, agape form. Love that covers all blemishes and heals all wounds. Love that is not based on emotions or feelings. He longs to know us.
In my challenging times of being "ruled out" of one's heart, I am more challenged of the thought that so many are "ruled out" from not knowing the heart of Christ. Don't wait til the coming of the Lord when you will profess, "Lord, Lord!" and He will declare, "I never knew you, depart from me..." He is the only person that will never rule you out of His heart, as long as you seek to know it.
Thoughts? Comments?
January 23, 2009
Money
When the concept came up last night about money being the biggest competitor of God and if we agree. I do truly agree with that. I know somone mentioned "love" being a competitor but God is love:) Anyways, one complete and very real testifier to this concept of money being the biggest competitor to God, I feel I experienced today...
I think that one of the most depressing places I have ever witnesed is the unemployment office. Note, this is only based on my experiences, I am sure there are far more depressing sites than the unemployemnt office. Maybe it was because we have been studying about money and the heart's condition of worship in this manner, but I truly felt a sorrow today while I was waiting for my turn. I was actually trying to read a book and since the wait time is 2+ hours, I was looking forward to finishing this book I was into. Unfortunately I was disrupted by everyone coming through the doors and I began listening to their requests, questions, concerns. You can see solemn on thier faces. There is not a single "fancy" person, adorned in jewels, etc., not a single prideful being, not an outcast...it is a quiet place. A mournful place as people are trying to plead their cases. There is not a single sound of laughter...at all. The end result of visiting this office-money. That is why I was there. My benefits were revoked and I needed to fix the error and I had to go and I was a little nervous wondering if something was wrong with my file. I was nervous that my benefits would end. Nervous about not having this money. I can guarantee there is not a single person that walked into that office today that did not have this fear. This office, the end result being that you will be receiving money was their security. I started to ask myself why I was nervous and question whether I was trusting God in this. Then I thought about the person next to me and the person next to them...do they know Jesus? Do they trust that this is just a procedure and that ultimately God will provide? Do they know Jesus? Can something offer encouragment to them in these grueling 2 hour wait lines, where they have already lost the security of a job? Is that all they place their faith in...money? I don't know. I don't know what is on their mind, but I can see their faces and I can hear the stillness of worry and hardship.
The chapter I was reading all while pausing from the interruptions of the people coming in and out of the office, was noting on the Gospel of Jesus versus the Gospel of Ideas. We as a church can sometimes come to be blamed on leaving the relational aspect out of our understanding of the Bible and base everything purely on scientific, systematic facts. Miller quotes, "In a culture that worships science, relational propsitions will always be left out of arguments attempting to surface truth. We believe, quite simply, that unless we can chart something, it doesn't exist. And you can't chart relationships. Furthermore, in our attempts to make relational propositions look like chartable realities, all beauty and mystery is lost. And so when times get hard, when reality knocks us on our butts, mathematical propositions are unable to comfort our failing hearts." I kind of teared up after reading this, all while sitting in my chair...I cannot see beauty in this room. I cannot offer a solution to thier money issues...I can offer a relationship. But Jesus can offer so much more, and so I began to pray. I can see money as the biggest competitor to God and when money fails....there He is. He still IS.
That tugged on me.
I think that one of the most depressing places I have ever witnesed is the unemployment office. Note, this is only based on my experiences, I am sure there are far more depressing sites than the unemployemnt office. Maybe it was because we have been studying about money and the heart's condition of worship in this manner, but I truly felt a sorrow today while I was waiting for my turn. I was actually trying to read a book and since the wait time is 2+ hours, I was looking forward to finishing this book I was into. Unfortunately I was disrupted by everyone coming through the doors and I began listening to their requests, questions, concerns. You can see solemn on thier faces. There is not a single "fancy" person, adorned in jewels, etc., not a single prideful being, not an outcast...it is a quiet place. A mournful place as people are trying to plead their cases. There is not a single sound of laughter...at all. The end result of visiting this office-money. That is why I was there. My benefits were revoked and I needed to fix the error and I had to go and I was a little nervous wondering if something was wrong with my file. I was nervous that my benefits would end. Nervous about not having this money. I can guarantee there is not a single person that walked into that office today that did not have this fear. This office, the end result being that you will be receiving money was their security. I started to ask myself why I was nervous and question whether I was trusting God in this. Then I thought about the person next to me and the person next to them...do they know Jesus? Do they trust that this is just a procedure and that ultimately God will provide? Do they know Jesus? Can something offer encouragment to them in these grueling 2 hour wait lines, where they have already lost the security of a job? Is that all they place their faith in...money? I don't know. I don't know what is on their mind, but I can see their faces and I can hear the stillness of worry and hardship.
The chapter I was reading all while pausing from the interruptions of the people coming in and out of the office, was noting on the Gospel of Jesus versus the Gospel of Ideas. We as a church can sometimes come to be blamed on leaving the relational aspect out of our understanding of the Bible and base everything purely on scientific, systematic facts. Miller quotes, "In a culture that worships science, relational propsitions will always be left out of arguments attempting to surface truth. We believe, quite simply, that unless we can chart something, it doesn't exist. And you can't chart relationships. Furthermore, in our attempts to make relational propositions look like chartable realities, all beauty and mystery is lost. And so when times get hard, when reality knocks us on our butts, mathematical propositions are unable to comfort our failing hearts." I kind of teared up after reading this, all while sitting in my chair...I cannot see beauty in this room. I cannot offer a solution to thier money issues...I can offer a relationship. But Jesus can offer so much more, and so I began to pray. I can see money as the biggest competitor to God and when money fails....there He is. He still IS.
That tugged on me.
January 07, 2009
Planting
I was thinking about the idea of church planting today, not for the sake of actually starting a new church but for the sake of re-planting a current church to see if there could be more blooms... What gardner would not want to see more blooms in the springtime?!
The reason I am thinking along the lines of church-planting is due to the desires of some individuals from the church where I belong; to create more of an opportunity of outreach to the community through the establishment of a new class. I am a part of this team that will, prayerfully, help implement this vision and to be honest, I have no idea what God is going to do (of course!) and in the interim, have no idea what I need to do:) So thru prayer it has come to my thought processes that our efforts of establishing a new class is in a way, similar to planting a new church. Aside from the vision of this new class, 2 goals remain in site; Glorify God and Build His Kingdom. With that being said, I think that we should all be responsible in church-planting, and I will elaborate why.
Church planting.
A concept that has not created enough desire within me to learn more about until...now. Ed Stetzer wrote a book called, "Planting Missional Churches", in which he enscribes that church planters should be: missional, incarnational, theological, ecclesiological, and spiritual. I want to breakdown these 5 terms described by Ed. This is going to be a blog broken down over 2 days. Below will be the general concept of the 5 terms mentioned previous. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will complete my analysis of the terms.
Missional: How we approach people.
Incarnational: What is actually happening.
Theological: Gospel.
Ecclesiological: Church does matter.
Spiritual: Christ-centered.
...to be continued:)
**And let me know your thoughts!
The reason I am thinking along the lines of church-planting is due to the desires of some individuals from the church where I belong; to create more of an opportunity of outreach to the community through the establishment of a new class. I am a part of this team that will, prayerfully, help implement this vision and to be honest, I have no idea what God is going to do (of course!) and in the interim, have no idea what I need to do:) So thru prayer it has come to my thought processes that our efforts of establishing a new class is in a way, similar to planting a new church. Aside from the vision of this new class, 2 goals remain in site; Glorify God and Build His Kingdom. With that being said, I think that we should all be responsible in church-planting, and I will elaborate why.
Church planting.
A concept that has not created enough desire within me to learn more about until...now. Ed Stetzer wrote a book called, "Planting Missional Churches", in which he enscribes that church planters should be: missional, incarnational, theological, ecclesiological, and spiritual. I want to breakdown these 5 terms described by Ed. This is going to be a blog broken down over 2 days. Below will be the general concept of the 5 terms mentioned previous. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will complete my analysis of the terms.
Missional: How we approach people.
Incarnational: What is actually happening.
Theological: Gospel.
Ecclesiological: Church does matter.
Spiritual: Christ-centered.
...to be continued:)
**And let me know your thoughts!
January 05, 2009
Knowing You
I read earlier today that if I wanted to know how God was going to use my life and my work I must first understand why He created me. I often reverse my thinking and feel that I know why God created me because of the work I was involved in, etc. This reverse thinking only allows me to base my sense of worth on what I have accomplished in my life. And looking back on how little I have accomplished this does not add much worth to my life!
It comes down to understanding the core of my being. It is similar to any part of any working machine. Shocks on a car do not discover their usefulness after they are working in affect on a car. Shocks are absorber parts and knowing that that is why they are assembled on a car; to absorb. I need to understand who I am and who I am in Christ in order to understand how He is going to and how He already is using my life and my work. How do I understand why He created me?
I do know that God created me to know Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him. Jeremiah 9:24 states, "but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who excercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on the earth...". As mentioned in the article I had read earlier, mankind's relationship with God was ruined in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. He longed to have that relationship restored with mankind and allowed the highest sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross so that we may have that eternal life and intimate relationship with Him.
Often times we seek to fufill our purpose out of wrong motives, whether it be guilt, pride, relationships, insecurity, etc. I know I fallen into this category several times, just going through the motions and involving myself in activities that will only suffice that insecure feeling I have for who I am. Those feelings of security will fade and then I will become insecure again about who I am and look for that next activity to create false security within me. It is a cycle. But, there is hope! God's desire for us is to be motivated out of love for Him!! That should be our only motivation; love. And how are we to know love but by developing an intimate relationship with Him. As that relationship develops He will begin to reveal His purpose for you, "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope," Jeremiah 29:11. But he cannot reveal that to us unless a relationship has been established.
There was a song we used to sing in college at our fellowship hall called "Knowing You".
"Now my heart's desire is to know you more, to be found in You and to know as Yours, To posses by faith what I could not earn, All surpassing gift o righteousness, Oh to know the power of your risen life, And to know You in Your sufferings, To become like You in Your death dear Lord, So with You to live and never die."
I pray you sing this song and long to have a deeper relationship with Him and truly come to understand Why it is that He created you!
It comes down to understanding the core of my being. It is similar to any part of any working machine. Shocks on a car do not discover their usefulness after they are working in affect on a car. Shocks are absorber parts and knowing that that is why they are assembled on a car; to absorb. I need to understand who I am and who I am in Christ in order to understand how He is going to and how He already is using my life and my work. How do I understand why He created me?
I do know that God created me to know Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him. Jeremiah 9:24 states, "but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who excercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on the earth...". As mentioned in the article I had read earlier, mankind's relationship with God was ruined in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. He longed to have that relationship restored with mankind and allowed the highest sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross so that we may have that eternal life and intimate relationship with Him.
Often times we seek to fufill our purpose out of wrong motives, whether it be guilt, pride, relationships, insecurity, etc. I know I fallen into this category several times, just going through the motions and involving myself in activities that will only suffice that insecure feeling I have for who I am. Those feelings of security will fade and then I will become insecure again about who I am and look for that next activity to create false security within me. It is a cycle. But, there is hope! God's desire for us is to be motivated out of love for Him!! That should be our only motivation; love. And how are we to know love but by developing an intimate relationship with Him. As that relationship develops He will begin to reveal His purpose for you, "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope," Jeremiah 29:11. But he cannot reveal that to us unless a relationship has been established.
There was a song we used to sing in college at our fellowship hall called "Knowing You".
"Now my heart's desire is to know you more, to be found in You and to know as Yours, To posses by faith what I could not earn, All surpassing gift o righteousness, Oh to know the power of your risen life, And to know You in Your sufferings, To become like You in Your death dear Lord, So with You to live and never die."
I pray you sing this song and long to have a deeper relationship with Him and truly come to understand Why it is that He created you!
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